How to NOT get hired to work for May

Posted on Mar 15, 2012 | 7 comments

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots? (May, 8 months old)

I’ve advertised for a care assistant for May. I have one person, who May loves, a part-timer from her nursery. But, now that our respite money is finally in our account, only five months after the government was meant to deposit it – and three months after we hired the part-timer – we need another.

You may think five months is a long time to pay up, but that is nothing! Lambeth Council contacted me this week by email instructing me that our disabled parking spot, which we applied for shortly after May’s birthday last April, will be delayed again, until June. That’s over a year! They helpfully included a diagram of our street and where the disabled parking spot will go… someday.

I emailed Mr. Smith – that’s his real name – over a week ago to ask the status of the parking space. He waited to reply until literally a few minutes before he left for on annual leave until – conveniently – June. Which I thought showed remarkable cowardice.

Keeping to the theme of people I would never hire, I give you the following respondents to my classified ad for May’s assistant. These are both real responses, though I removed the names and cut the second one short.

Candidate 1:

im sure of doing d job and also make d baby happy please

Candidate 2:

My name is C—, I’m a 24 year old, I’ve got a Bachelor and a Master degree in international relations, diplomacy, and arts. I am very communicative, trustworthy and open minded. I speak fluently English, Romanian and Russian, understand French and Spanish.
I am also a professional dancer…
Best regards,

I think I’ll keep the ad up for a few more days.

When hiring someone to work with May, what traits do you think I should look for?


  1. I just really want to reply with something really sarcastic : ) Unfortunately, nothing coherent is forming at the moment. I love the replies you’ve received so far! How long have you had the ad up? I feel like applying, except I’m in the States : ) (Granted, given the people that have replied so far maybe it really doesn’t matter that I live in the States and I should still apply!)

    Thank you for the laugh. Sorry you have to actually live it, which probably doesn’t make it all that funny.

    • No, actually I found it very amusing! You will be pleased to know that not all the applications were like these. I’m even interviewing a couple next week.

  2. You didn’t go for the professional dancer!? I really can not think why!

    • That’s exactly what I was thinking! And how can she not think international relations with someone who is “very communicative” not be a big help as an assistant for May?! 😉


  3. These ads are telling. Basically, the only people who are willing to do ‘d job’ are people who are desperate for a job, and may very likely watch tv 6 hour a day, or text their friends all day, thinking no one will be the wiser. Best of luck, though, maybe someone decent is around the corner.

  4. Oh gracious, those are some pretty good ones. 😉

    As for people to work with May, I usually find that young people who have an older or younger sibling with a significant challenge (physical, cognitive, or both) have been some of the best people because they’re young enough to have energy but compassionate and caring enough not to just sit in front of the TV or on the phone the entire time and ignore a special needs child.

    I don’t know if where you live has any private special needs schools, but usually the teachers who are in those places often do child-care and are pretty good.

    Regardless of who you choose, a mom of a now 13-year-old boy who was very much like your May told me that she used one of those babysitter cameras in her house off and on and highly recommended it. Sometimes people ‘think’ that just because a child cannot tell their parents (in words) that someone isn’t nice to them that they’re free to do as they please… but every time her son’s body language and vocalizations told her something wasn’t quite right she listened to him and set up the camera.

  5. Michelle, you shouldnt need one if the baby sitter is reliable and professional.

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