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Medicines vs Sleep

September 18, 2009 at 06:43

Mama Lewis

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Baby May is entering a sleeping pattern. But, she hasn’t settled yet and the bedtime game is playing havoc with medicines and my sanity.

Last night, I went for a swim and when I’d returned my husband looked like he’d done battle with an elephant. “She’s asleep,” he said, with the triumphant exhaustion of a new dad.

“Did you give her the medicine?”

He sighed, “I couldn’t. I… I didn’t… I…”

As he couldn’t form sentences, I left it. But, inside, I’d already died a little death.

Sure enough, when I woke her for her meds hours later, she screamed straight for an hour and a half.

My husband just left for work this morning. He was dressed in his fluorescent biking gear. “Three times this week,” he said, pleased with his effort, before adding, “Were you up with her in the middle of the night last night?”

“No, I woke her for her meds and she wouldn’t go back to sleep. She was screaming for an hour and a half.”

“Really?” he looked surprised. “I didn’t hear a thing.”

“I know,” I want to say.

Her medicines are important to me. When I deliver her meds, I feel like I am doing something beneficial for her. Everything else I do is not so tangible.

I am so tired. But, I got those meds down.

The Birth of Mama Lewis

September 17, 2009 at 23:40

Mama Lewis

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Babies are not the only thing born on their birthdays. Mamas are born as well.

I feel like an entirely different person than I was the day before April 23rd. 4 1/2 months ago. Is that a lifetime ago, or just a few months?

I feel older. A lot older.

What I’ve been through the past few months, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. My life as I knew it completely stopped. Some mothers would say they understand that, but most of them would not. My life stopped. Their lives continued on, altered beyond recognition. Mine stopped.

Months later, like an ancient Model T Ford that cranks from the front, I’m moving forward again. I have no idea what the future holds for my daughter and I. But, I hope that by documenting it here, I might help someone else to not feel as lost and frightened as I was. And, maybe I won’t feel so alone either.